More on JFC Westerman! His father was the even more prolific Percy F Westerman, who published 174 books for young people before he passed away in 1959. Both wrote two-fisted, action-packed adventure stories for boys. JFC specialised in air adventures, with extraordinary aeroplanes being the order of the day. Percy wrote adventure stories, too, but more broadly, featuring sailing, exploration, spies and general derring-do.

Now, let’s see what JFC’s premier creation, John Wentley, is getting up to. Will he, or his brother Bill, speak? Or will they continue to expostulate, aver and opine? 

“Sounds all right,” stated John. You must tell me about that later – I may be able to work up some enthusiasm for your stinks then. I like the look of this place you’ve secured. Kind of house I’d like to have myself.” 

“Wait until you’ve seen over it,” answered Bill. “I was lucky to find it – it was a long hunt, too – and I’m more than satisfied. This place was originally a little barn, I believe. Look at the walls – solid stone and three feet thick! Unfortunately, I had to knock them about to put in windows to get sufficient light. The house is genuine thirteenth century ; it was a monastic building then. Anyway, you can see the history for yourself. I got the place for a mere song, but it cost a lot to get into decent order. Did you notice the front door? Solid oak, my boy, with really old studs and ironwork. Strong enough to stand a siege.” 

“No need to tell me that!” retorted his brother. “I bruised my knuckles on it a short while ago, knocking for admission! I like the tower effect of the entrance; but it’s a pity the place is so close to the road in front.” 

“Yes,” agreed Bill. “On the other hand, the road is rarely used, so it doesn’t matter much. As you say, the square tower entrance is a treat. On the upper floor there are genuine slits in the walls for shooting arrows through, and all that sort of thing. Stone floors, too. There’s nearly two acres of ground, as well.” 

Right, got it? By now, you should have a perfect idea of the layout of Bill’s place, down to the last inch. But I was a little disappointed that neither Bill nor John happened to mention grid references or compass bearings as a conversational aside. Felt the picture was missing a bit without them. And no mention of elevation or barometric pressure! Hang your head in shame, JFC Westerman.

Dialogue attribution checklist : Bill and John ‘state’, ‘answer’, ‘retort’ and ‘agree’. ‘Said’ count – nil.  

Whaaat? VERY subtle and subversive recon of the entire place. Gee, I wonder if anything will ever be shot from those slits in the wall? And do tell; does the door in fact survive the seige?? What were the monks doing with ramparts and battlements in their barn, by the way? Dashed considerate of the possible future uses of the thing, eh what? I wonder if it would still be okay to knock around a thirteenth century barn to let a bit of light in?

I love the unsophisticated style and the pretentiousness of the characters. I hear plums in their mouths. It reads like a few of the things I've read written by primary school kids. Those literary types that bail you up and ask you to paw through their tomes. I always do have a look, and I can almost always find something graceful in them.

And dad wrote 174 books?? My head swoons at the thought of such productivity.

Thanks Michael!

lovely stuff, Michael! Sadly my eye just keep going to those masqueraders for 'said' all the time now! He must have plundered the thesaurus for them all..
Mind you, I remember being told at school, i think in year 3 when we were writing 'compositions', that we should vary the 'said' or not use it too often. it made me nervous for quite a while about that humble and useful little word!

Thank you, Penni remarked/rejoindered/offered/affirmed/asserted/pronounced/commented.

Did it make you write funny after typing that up? Did you want to slip into the parlance? (yay! I've used it again!)

Ha! You really weren't kidding about the author being allergic to 'said', were you? I think my second-favourite part is how the brothers exchange slabs of text rather than actually converse - I get the feeling that they're going to say their piece and nothing is going to stop them! It's like a turn-based video game battle, many years before its time. (JFC Westerman as visionary? Nah, too much of a stretch . . .)

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