The Getting of Love

by Maggie Hamilton

MAGGIE HAMILTON talks with best-selling author HARVILLE HENDRIX about the profound implications parenting has on relationships.

'Everybody who falls in love, does so with an incompatible person. They will be re-wounded as they were with their parents,' according to Harville Hendrix, co-founder of Imago Relationship Therapy. Most of us don't need a therapist to tell us how elusive love can be. At different times in our lives the pursuit of love has fuelled our hopes and fears. After two international bestsellers to his name, and over 2000 therapists from 28 countries embracing Imago Relationship Therapy, Harville Hendrix reached an impasse. Even though clients progressed well in therapy, by learning to articulate what they needed, and to give their partner what they needed, they would then hit a brick wall. 'It seemed an unanswerable question,' Hendrix admits. 'I went into professional depression.'
This professional crisis then turned personal. Hendrix and his wife and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, Helen LaKelly Hunt, found themselves facing the same dilemmas in their relationship. 'I began to feel Helen didn't love me,' Hendrix confesses. 'I was more blinded to her love than she was to mine. The more she tried, the more I deflected.' Their relationship deteriorated to the point that divorce seemed the only solution.

From the October, 2005 magazine.

The Getting of Love